I've been back for three days now, and I've gotta say... it is a strange experiment in sociology.
I have three close female co-workers who I told when I was pregnant, and then I e-mailed them over the vacation to tell them what happened. I wasn't dramatic or self-pitying, but I wasn't cold about it either; I just wanted to e-mail ahead of time to spare any weird moments of having to tell them at school. Again, it sucks to be the bearer of bad news.
None of them e-mailed back, which was fine. One of them-- the pregnant one-- confronted me right away when we came back, and she was wonderful. The other two didn't say anything. I had to borrow some supplies from one of them, and only after I asked how her break was did she bring up my e-mail. She was very nice, but it was not a comfortable moment; the fact that she was squatting down at a cabinet only made it more awkward, like I was literally cornering her for a reaction. The third girl has made no mention of it at all. It's just kind of weird.
Due to scheduling, I have lunch with them (and three others) every three days. Today was the first lunch I've had with them since vacation. It was fine, but I was telling some random story about Sascha's first word at one point, and for a split second I realized that (A) the room was unusually quiet, and (B) everyone was staring at me with this kind/pitiful expression. Buuugggh!! I know the others at lunch know everything that happened, because the girls talk and I'm totally fine with that (I really like the other people). But now I feel like they are avoiding me, and that sucks. The pregnant one has gone out of her way to be extra-nice to me. I can see right through it, but goddamn I am appreciating every single gesture I can get. It beats the hell out of avoidance. I feel like I did something to make them mad.
Nice to be back in a routine though.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
I'm just catching up with blogs now. I'm so sorry, Abby, for your miscarriage. And it's like double punishment that your colleagues are acting so awkwardly. I hope that part of it blows over soon. Take care.
Lots of people are really uncomfortable with death. With miscarriage, you'll find more people than you think have experienced it too, and that will likely give you comfort to know you're not the only one (unfortunately). On the other hand, those who have never experienced it really don't get it. Many seem to just brush it under the rug like it was nothing. And some even act as though there was something wrong with you since they had easy pregnancies. Just realize it's not you, they just aren't sure how to approach you. They don't want to make your pain worse.
MVP, you're totally right. I think they secretly fear that I might burst into tears at any given moment, and dude-- that would freak me out too. I suppose anything's possible, but I feel really stable now that I'm back at work and into a routine, having to focus on my job. The fact that I love my job helps, so I can really throw myself into it. I don't fault them at all, and it isn't horrible, just something I noticed.
Also, thanks for the comment on the last post. You reminded me to pay attention to my husband and how he was feeling through all of this, something I (shamefully) forgot to do...
Post a Comment