Disclaimer: the following is more ranting from a spoiled American brat. Please go elsewhere if you've heard enough from me already. I realize there are some people who would love to have my problems, I know that, and I am slightly embarrassed by whining anyway. My issues are not life-threatening or earth-shattering. That being said...
I might lose my mind with the weather. I'd planned on doing yardwork today during Sascha's nap, but it's raining. And cold. Again. The forecast for this week? Rainy, in the 30s. So I squandered her entire nap time trying to find travel deals on the internet. I couldn't find anything affordable so I settled for looking at pictures of beaches. Shamefully, like porn under the mattress. All I can think about is being somewhere warm. Not sticky, hot-breath warm, like southeast Texas, but clear warm. Beachy warm.
I think I'm going to have to sneak out of school during my duty period tomorrow and hit up a tanning bed. I have zero motivation. I only just brushed my teeth, and it's 3 pm. I'm still in my pajamas. I was going to do one more week of balls-out diet and exercise this week, but I don't even have enough drive to put a frozen pizza in the oven, let alone chop up a farm's worth of vegetables. I feel paralyzed.
This weekend I had a chance to talk to my cousin, who has a daughter a few months younger than Sascha. She feels the same way I do about having a second baby. They're going to start trying next month. We're both like (big sigh), "uuuugghhhh..." at the thought of going through that again. How people can do this four, five, six or more times is beyond my comprehension. We both agreed that we feel a general pressure to have more than one. Not from anyone specific, just a general pressure. Like one child isn't quite "complete." Like we aimed for a family, and fell just short of the mark. I don't like that I feel that, but it's as ingrained in me as my XX chromosomes. I can't talk myself out of feeling that way. It's not a reason to have another kid, but I don't feel like I will be able to silence that nagging until I do. If I could just have a little bit of what the Quiverfull women are drinking... just something to make me enjoy pregnancy and surgery and losing sleep and breastfeeding hell, to make me appreciate never being able to leave the house to do anything.
I have to go look at beach pictures again.
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The Object of My Insanity
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- Abby
- New England, United States
- Former Pastry Chef... High School Science Teacher... Clueless Mother... Champion Complainer.
14 comments:
I want to live in this hut...with a naked man...and be able to live in Kim Kardashian's physical body while I wear a white bikini....
http://www.splendia.com/commun/images/imageshotel/31726/tik_04_beach_bungalow.jpg
I saw a "Quiverfull" family at church today with 7 kids. 7!!!! The oldest looked like he was maybe 12 and the youngest was somewhere in the 10-13 month range from what I could tell. The mom looked YOUNG. I thought this lady has at least 3 more in her. For goodness sake. I don't even begrudge them the 7 kids because they were really well behaved. The older kids took care of the younger kids and at the end of mass the 2nd to the youngest (maybe 3?) put back all the books for the whole family. It was cute. The part that irritates me is the environmental cost of all of these lives. And those 7 kids will be raised to think they should have 7+ kids and so on. Meanwhile Scott and I are filled with so much guilt about our own future as parents.
Abby, I used your blog to rant and I apologize. Funny that your thoughts today coincided with my own experiences and thoughts. I understand you feelings of pressure to have two, but I'll leave you with this. My step father-in-law said on Friday that one thing he treasures about being over 50 is that he truly does not worry about what others think. I wish we could bring that feeling into our 30's more often.
How fuuny!! I found that beach picture at just the right time. If you were not covered up by .. (was it Jon Versessi) - that could be totally made up.. but sounds good - anyway if you were not hidden we would be able to see your tan little hot bod!
Ana, stop apologizing!! You writing on my blog is like being in my home, and you know I would like nothing more. Isn't that whole thing just bizarre? And I'm surprised they were in a Catholic church!!
Debbie (aka Anonymous), you're right-- that picture on FB was good (bad?) timing. And it was Jon V. I was behind! I wonder what ever happened to him?
So a quick follow up: there will be no trip. Because now our 2-year-old dryer has broken. I am just so done. This happened after we tried to cook dinner (a new recipe Nick wanted to try) and burned it, making our house smell like burned oil... and Sascha bit her tongue which escalated into a tantrum so severe that she made herself throw up... so we didn't get to eat the burned dinner anyway. We just drank beer and ate cornbread whenever we passed through the kitchen. Then the dryer broke with two wet loads waiting. I had to lug them over to Kate's house to use hers.
It's some gooood times 'round here, y'all.
MAN. You need a break along with your sister. I am glad Nick was able to fix the furnace; at least that's a good thing. I would like to think we'd be so handy, but in reality we'd be calling every friend we know to see if they actually, you know, KNEW anything about the appliances we rely so heavily upon.
Sigh.
Anna S.
Isn't it always the way with appliances? I feel your pain. Our 14 month old LCD TV has some crazy stripe across it. Of course it was only under warranty for 12 months. When I called JVC to see if I could get some sympathy they were useless. For now we are living with the stripe until we can take it to get repaired. But Scott insists that appliances are now built to last just outside the warranty. Essentially they are building disposable big ticket items. What the crap?
I was surprised by the big Catholic family too, mostly because they were Anglo. I see large Hispanic families all the time. That's what made me think they were Quiverfull types. Because even at our pre cana class that we took before getting married the lady who did the natural family planning talk about using the rhythm method only had 3 kids. Maybe this family just can't get the hang of the rhythm method. :)
I had a paralyzing day as well. Like crazy exhaustion for no reason. You know, though, as I have gotten older and developed PMS, I think I have fallen into a pattern of having a few days of total exhaustion before The Big Week (or Eight Months, if I ever have a repeat of 2008) arrives. I'm sure your readers really wanted to know that. So maybe I have an eventful week ahead. I didn't know about the Quivers. Interesting. I know you will think I am sick, but it is all perspective...as we delve into spring, with the mornings and evenings fairly cool but the days in the 80s, I long to take a winter vacation, go somewhere cold and frosty and be forced to stay inside...I can't help it...we had virtually no winter this year, and before long it will be 100+. (Insert giant sigh here.) But I guess I do have one thing for which to be thankful...I truly care less and less each day what people think. I work hard, I make the best, most well-thought-out decisions I can, I am kind to people, and if that isn't enough for anyone, they need to work through it. If it bothers anyone that I am single and without children, that's really just not my problem. If I never get married and people think that makes me sad or pathetic, better that they spend time worrying about it all on my behalf. If I do decide to have a (singular) child at some point and people think I am a failure for not having a bigger family, I won't lose sleep over it. This transformation has occurred over the past couple years, and it has coincided with my developing self-advocacy skills, and it feels pretty good. I don't think I am going to have to wait until 50 to feel the full benefits of not caring, but I can imagine that it just gets better.
LISA ROCKS!
Here is a blog entry by the woman who runs the yoga studio I am a member of. I thought it was relevant to our discussion.
http://yogabelly.typepad.com/yoga_on_off_the_mat/2009/03/jester-annie.html
That was pretty awesome. I think "Mean dogs have mean owners" is going to be my signature quote from now on. Yoga people are so centered...I know it's no coincidence or accident. I, the Libra, am forever seeking balance and seem to be forever out of balance. While I have a handle on the whole caring-what-others-think thing, I do not have a handle on how I balance my time and my activities. I worked with a counselor who was a morning person, and she lived about 20 minutes outside of the little town in which our school was located. She got up early enough that she SPENT TIME ON HER PORCH TAKING IN THE SUN AND THE BREEZE before she drove to work. I was perpetually in awe of her. I mean, I'm the girl who hears "The best part of waking up..." and grumbles that there is no good part of waking up (aside form the obvious, which is actually waking up). I need to rethink those late-night Sex and the City reruns.
From, damn it, from...not form.
I understand the "quiverfull" just because it is related to the phrase. but think it is sick sick sick. but why sure i be concerned about women who teach their children responsibility by having them parent the other children? not sure.....woops! there went my attention span!
anyway, being a MAN, i'd rather try to fix-it. Things i have replaced on dryers: if it's not rotating: belts. if it's not heating, heating elements for electric dryers and glow element starter on the gas dryer. and clean out that vent line! beyond that, you will get my useless prattle.
PS: always check the power source...
Teaching responsibility comes in many forms. I'm one of 4 and I was always babysitting my siblings. I treasure my relationship with them and although I hated to look after them a lot of the time, it taught me how be compassionate.
I have a lot of respect for parents who have taught their kids the value and need of sitting still for 45 minutes out of their lives. Particularly in a time when kids are unable to string together a coherent thought unless they are texting - and even then not so much. I don't agree with the Quiverfull movement for many reasons, but I ALWAYS respect people who are trying to raise their kids right because we see too many examples of bad/lazy parenting everyday. A basic social skill is sitting quietly and listening. Too many kids don't know how to do it and it sucks.
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