I feel like I have a very firm grasp of parenthood right now. Not a toe-hold, but solid footing. I honestly think it's because I'm getting something from her now. Say what you will, that my kid owes me nothing, but it is damn hard to maintain a one-way love with someone you had never met; to give give give and get nothing in return. Now it's coming back to me. She looks at me. She sings with me. She actually talks to me. She can speak better every day, which serves two purposes: (A) she can communicate better, lessening her frustration and the resulting tantrums, and (B) it is highly entertaining to listen to her talk. When she does have tantrums, they don't exhaust me like they used to. They barely ruffle me at all. It is freakin' sweet. And I am becoming crazily, scarily, hugely in love with her.
The expat thing has been on my mind a lot lately (Nick and I have this back-burner dream that someday we will move to another country). I think it's because I basically have everything I want right now, so my mind is going there. When I run, I listen to foreign music and try to imagine I'm running in my new neighborhood in Greece, or Spain, or Denmark, or any of the places we've talked about moving. My friend Taya (whose blog I have listed over there, to the right, the girl I can't believe I'm friends with) writes about her adventures living and traveling in Africa, and even though it's difficult, I envy her. I wouldn't trade lives, but I'd love to for like a month. I have been really fortunate to have traveled, but I'm sorely missing the rest of the world-- new sights and smells and sounds, different looking faces. Traveling in the US has become almost pointless now due to the big-boxing of America. Of course, this travel fever has earned itself a spot on the "con" list for having a second child. Which we are putting off for another month...
Do any of you watch "The Biggest Loser"? Nobody I know does, and I need someone to share my dirty old cougar crush on Mike. That show is hugely motivating. I'm trying to lose 5 more pounds... I will be down to my wedding weight. The best part about losing weight is that I am so comfortable (and conversely, the worst thing about being overweight is feeling so uncomfortable). My clothes are comfortable. Sleeping is more comfortable. Running, painting my toes, even just sitting with my legs crossed-- everything is more comfortable. I feel a little guilty for bragging, but I worked really hard for this.
Okay, there you have it. I'm happy. Bring the
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13 comments:
Hey! Glad to see you are back dipping your toe back in. Long time reader, first time responder. Just wanted to mention that I too have those parenting moments when you just think, "Seriously, why on earth did I do this" and I agree it gets much better as they get older and can do more. It is more fun. I have a 4 year old and a 11 month old-who was a surprise baby-we were pretty sure we would only have one. I love him dearly, but there are days when I think maybe one was what I was meant to do and I think how fun and easy life would be now with just my very independent 4 year old. Now that I have him I wouldn't trade him for anything because he is here and a part of our lives. So, the point to this rambling. If you question a second, just simply don't have another. You are allowed to want to travel and experience life and be "selfish".
And I am now living in a foreign country as well. And that was a dream. The first few months are amazing but reality sets in and it becomes hard when you dont speak the language well etc. So, my advice (for what is worth) leave a house and all connection back in the US and plan for a shorter stay in the beginning and maybe move to a place where you speak the language. So tough to get to those language classes with little ones.
Ok, enough rambling. So glad to see you back, bitch. :)
So glad to see you back, bitch. :) That just made my day!
I would love to e-mail you, if only just to know more about your circumstances-- where you live, why you went, and so on. This is something Nick and I want to do when we retire, ultimately. I'm just dying to travel again. (Internationally.)
Hi Abby,
I've never written a comment, but I think you know I've been an regular reader... Anyway I LOVE The Biggest Loser! Mike has gotten really cute and I get the crush. I wanted Ron to go this week instead of Filipe. I find the show so inspirational even though I need to get back to working out regularly. I'm glad you're back to writing!
Liz
I too am glad you're not totally abandoning your blog! I've really enjoyed your posts over the last few years.
I watch the Biggest Loser and know what you mean about Mike. I liked him a little more before he got all kinds of cocky after booting Kristin, but at least he can back it up with the weight loss. His dad will cut a bitch though won't he?? That's not good karma... I was all in for Sione but now that he and Filipe are gone I guess I want Mike to win. I can't take another freakin teary break down from Tara or Helen.
Yay for getting (almost) to your wedding weight! Personally, I hope to not see my wedding weight again, but hey - I was kind of a porker then, lol.
Glad to hear you and Sascha are getting on so well. It'll be sweet when she thinks she knows more than you and you get to debate her! (I speak from experience, I was SO that kind of kid).
Oh God, Carrie...you told her you live in Germany. Sometimes just seeing the word Germany in print makes her cry, she misses it so much. She may end up with more advice for you than you have for her!
I am glad Sascha is being cool...my mom gets to meet her in a couple weeks. (Insert giant SIGH here...there wasn't an outside chance I could go with even before the swine flu closed down my school district.)
Lisa-I would love it if she had some advice for me. I could sure use it. Germany is a beautiful country, I can certainly agree with that.
Lisa, you said it. Last night my dad and I went to the ballet. There was one big number with really elaborate costumes, and they reminded me of Germany. I almost started crying. Sigh.
Also, after writing that post yesterday I spent a half hour after school looking up vacation rentals on exchangezones.com.
Also, whoever said Ron "could cut a bitch" made me chuckle for a solid 15 seconds. Awesome! (I am not a Ron fan. He's like the Godfather. "My son will win." Oy vey...)
Also, Carrie-- comment deleted! I will e-mail you shortly.
Really, really happy to see you posting again. Hope it sticks.
Thrilled that you're back!!!! THANK YOU!
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