That would be the sound of me falling off the fence again, back on the side of I Want Another Baby After All. (Really, you should just stop reading if you're tired of this debate. I'm kind of tired of it too to be honest.)
A few days ago I saw this video while reading Dooce. (I have mixed feelings about her, so I'm whispering her name. That is the subject for another post.) Other women have said these things to me before, namely "it was easier because I knew what I was doing," but for some reason it sunk in this time. These are women who have no vested interest in whether I do it or not, so hearing a totally unbiased opinion helped. (I'm so tired that I initially typed "unbiast apinion," which looks like Middle English. What can I say, it's Try Not To Die Friday.)
So for this very moment, I want another. If I got pregnant this coming month, my due date would be around the end of February, so I'm... ehhhhhsort of not 100% jazzed about the idea of either (A) taking ten weeks off unpaid-- ouch, or (B) going back to work when the baby isn't sleeping through the night yet, like last time. Maybe I can figure out a happy medium, like taking off one month unpaid and going back for the last month or two of school. It's not the six months of suffering I dealt with last time. I'm also worried about putting all this effort into my garden and then being too nauseous to eat anything when it's all ripe in August.
Of course, maybe I should try to actually get pregnant first instead of planning out my maternity leave, since I was so wildly successful at it in the last round...
Hope this made sense. Going to bed.
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The Object of My Insanity
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- Abby
- New England, United States
- Former Pastry Chef... High School Science Teacher... Clueless Mother... Champion Complainer.
8 comments:
I'm planning on spacing my kids 4 years apart. Not only is it future financial sense, but I can lavish my power, sanity, and attention on a toddler who absolutely demands it. When my son is 4, he'll be more like a helper than a jealous sibling and that will make the biggest difference. It's just a little thought to help you on your fence walking.
I'm a "one and done" advocate for myself, but on the days that I change my mind, I know that I want mine about 4-6 years apart, like ChicagoMom. My baby gets to be not just a baby, but THE baby before we have another, if we have another. Plus, I only want one at home with me. No more babies until school age comes with the one we've got!
PS - you probably absolutely LOATHE my new handle/website. Don't hold it against me too much, it's a part of my brand, not always a literal statement. =)
I wanted only one - then randomly I wanted another once he no longer looked like a baby @ 3 yrs. No, the second is not easier - not even a little. It is just to the point when it's no so bad 1 yr later but that could just be bc I don't remember how "easy " it was. The worst part for me is that the divide and conquer, man-on-man, whatever, means you rarely TALK with your husband. And we can't all just jump in the car and see a disney movie or go to home depot, or go on a jog, etc. - someone has to stay home. That mom at 3 minutes in is way too chipper. As bad as it is, the relief of not having to think about having another kid is worth it instead of the conflicted state I was in. Yeah yeah and then there is the love...
WarmMom: first of all, your Terminator Baby picture is a freakin' riot. Secondly, I'm guessing your first baby was relatively easy, because what you describe about not being able to go anywhere? That's us with one! It's STILL us, even 2.5 years in. We can't take her anywhere, so yeah, someone always has to be home. It's the thing I hate most about motherhood, but I've kind of gotten used to it.
Also, ChicagoMom, that is definitely food for thought, and if I do that I'll have more maternity leave saved up, so that is a very tempting idea. The main wrench in that plan is my age. Even if I got pregnant this month I'd be 38 when I delivered. Waiting another year would put me at 39... that's kind of scary. I know people always say "I didn't think I was the kind of person who could parent a special-needs child until I had one" but that's not me. I KNOW I couldn't. My heart is small and black and I can barely handle a normal kid. Cold-hearted case in point, I want to have another kid so that I don't have to play with the first one. So... I'm a little leery about taking those kind of chances at my age.
Forgot to mention in the main post that I finally made an appointment to see a therapist. It's such a Big American Baby thing to do, to go whine to a therapist about whether I should have a second kid, but hey-- so is blogging. Feh.
I was 37 when Cassandra was born last September. I'll be 39 (or nearly) when #2 is born given that we're waiting until she's 18 months old before trying for #2. I had a CVS done with her and will do it again to rule out genetic abnormalities. I'm comfortable with that decision, hell, my aunt was 42 when she had her 2nd and that was long before the advent of genetic testing, and he's fine. For that matter, my Mom was 37 when I arrived and I've got 10 fingers, 10 toes..... I won't wait any longer, my poor husband will be 50 when #2 arrives!
Good luck with whatever you decide, know that in the end, it will be the right decision for you.
maybe it's because I'm thinking about getting preggo, maybe it's because you are hilarious, but this is my first time here and I think that I love your blog:)
you already know the answer: stop trying so hard, and just try it some more. iknow: there is NO WAY i can erase the thoughts of a woman's objectives....
i like to think of myself as complex, but in some ways, we men are simple creatures.....
oh, and you bounce over that fence as much as you like.
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